Falling Through the Cracks: Before & During the Pandemic

This topic has been sitting in my drafts folder since the moment I started the blog. After working with so many mother's who told me, "I wish we could have met you sooner", or "I knew something wasn't right, but my pediatrician said to wait and see how things shake out", I quickly became frustrated with the current system and lack of education around early intervention. My heart has been broken too many times after hearing the guilt behind so many mother's words, wishing they would have trusted their gut and sought-out services sooner. In reality, its not their fault. They did everything that they could at the time.

I decided to publish this now, as I can't help but grieve for the families and kids that are falling through the cracks during this pandemic. Schooling and therapies are either suspended OR happening virtually, which we can all agree is NOT the most productive. Precious time is being taken away from so many young children during this time, but mama's, remind yourself that it is NOT a permanent thing. It is temporary, and if you are noticing regression, it is normal to occur during times of stress and change. Once normalcy, structure, and routines are re-established, skills that may have regressed will begin to slowly appear again. Be patient, be kind, and be sympathetic while still holding your child accountable. Give opportunities for the kiddos to practice the skills that have regressed, while being ready to provide a little more help or encouragement than what was needed pre-pandemic.

Get creative, model and encourage use of the skills in a positive, fun manner, while giving opportunities to talk about and address the emotions causing the behavior. For example; pre-pandemic, your kiddo may have been sleeping in his own bed throughout the night, but now he/she is sneaking into your bed every night. Consider building a fort the next night and "camping out" in his/her room. Read books and follow the same bedtime routine, but fall asleep in a fun fort. Maybe sleep with him the first night, and then fade yourself away again. In addition, have a conversation about how he/she may be missing school OR maybe he/she is struggling with watching you work at home while not attending to him/her. (If you need help brainstorming how to creatively practice skills, please reach out-- this was 90% of my full-time job for many years).

An obvious, yet easily overlooked tip is to assure you set aside time each day to play and attend to your child. Our society, especially when working from home, has forced us to become professional multi-taskers. We are able to do multiple things at once and easily overlook the importance of setting aside time to provide our children with your undivided attention each day. A lack of attention can be the underlying cause of so many behaviors, so providing that attention can resolve many negative behaviors. During these hard times, remember, they are grieving and struggling with all this change just as much as we are.

>>See "Mama Resources" for a great article written by Dr. Mary Wild, MD on regression during a pandemic, which is relatable for all developing kiddos<<

Pre-pandemic, this blog post was going to focus solely on the importance of attending to a child's development and seeking out services as soon as possible. "Early intervention, early intervention, early intervention..." is all the rave, for good reason. The most basic explanation would be that the younger the child, the easier it is to help make new connections in the brain, which leads too greater potential of meeting developmental milestone and obtaining essential lifelong skills. The concept is quite basic, and choosing to receive early intervention seems to be a no brainer. However, if you talk to mama's with kiddos that received early intervention, it was unfortunately, the furthest thing from "easy".

Like most, as a new mama, I heavily rely on my pediatrician's opinions and answers. When I noticed that Maverick's right pupil was larger than the left, the first thing I did was call my pediatrician. She sent us to an ophthalmologist, however, she told me "99% of the time it is nothing to worry about". Just those words alone were enough to make me feel better. I trust her to educate me on my child's development and what is typical and atypical.

For mamas who realize their baby's movement patterns are not progressing the way they should be, or maybe not talking or babbling as much as other babies the same age, their initial reaction is to call their pediatrician. Which is the RIGHT ANSWER. The problem that I hear again and again is that their pediatrician says, "let's wait it out" or "he's fine, he will catch up". Many times, mama's follow this advice and wait it out. Unfortunately after months or years go by, the pediatrician THEN decides to refer them for further help as the delay is now more evident. While it's great services are eventually recommended, it is SO UNFORTUNATE that months or years of potential early intervention are being taken away from children. Such valuable and irreplaceable time.

Let me make it clear, I am not saying pediatricians are the bad guys. What I am saying is, mama's, TRUST YOUR GUT. If you are noticing delays or feel as if something is off, seek out services. You do NOT need a pediatrician's referral to receive a speech, physical therapy, or occupational therapy evaluation. These three services are offered through your county (if under the age of three) or your school (if 3 years or older). "Birth-to-three services" is the name of Wisconsin's early intervention program, and will always take place in your home. For more information on the birth-to-three referral system, see "Mama's resources".

If aged three or older, it is important that you seek out your child's teacher and notify them of your concerns, if they have not already done so. If you feel as if you child is struggling in anyway in the classroom or school setting, it is important that you ask for an evaluation. If you are not satisfied with the school's response, stick with it! Write a letter to have a written document to prove your request, as you have a LEGAL right to request an evaluation (at public schools). They must grant all evaluation requests. An evaluation will be conducted and they will meet with you to help decide if an individual education plan is appropriate and what services are required. Another option that many parents are unaware of is that if over the age of three, you can receive services (speech, OT, or PT) both at school AND in an outpatient setting. A referral for services is REQUIRED by a pediatrician when over the age of three for an evaluation to occur in an outpatient setting. See "mama resources" for Wisconsin's handbook on Special Education in Plain Language. It lays out exactly what is required in a written request for an evaluation.

If you are suspicious of Autism Spectrum Disorder, it's unfortunately not as easy. To receive diagnosis specific services, like ABA therapy or intensive play-based therapy, you must receive a diagnosis. There are often many hoops to jump through to receive a diagnosis including long waiting lists. First off, talk to your pediatrician about your concerns and exactly what you are seeing. Be prepared, and confident. Remember, you know your child best! Be ready to give detailed examples of behaviors that you are noticing. You can also choose to bring along a completed milestones checklist to help the doctor understand all areas of concern in a quick manner. If you are not satisfied with your doctors conclusions or responses, ask for a referral to a specialist who can complete a diagnostic evaluation or a developmental pediatrician. There is much to know about seeking out services for Autism, therefore, it will be it's own blog post in the future, but if you are in this position, and looking for help, please reach out! I can help.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to trusting your gut. If you receive an answer that you do not agree with, no matter who the professional is, seek out a second opinion or ask for more options! You know your child best, and you are his/her biggest advocate. Do not allow one answer to persuade you to anxiously wait and hope time is the answer. Time and early intervention is so crucial.

It doesn't feel right to end this post without giving a shout-out to all the mamas that I have worked with in the past. You are real life super heroes, and the best advocates on this planet. I have been inspired and learned SO much from each and every one of you. I know you all fought hard and did a lot of waiting for your child to receive the services that they did. They may not realize it, but you are the reason for their growth and development. Your actions will help them reach their fullest potential and help them live a happier and higher quality life.

Have questions on seeking out services? Reach out! I would love to help!

xoxo,

Abi